Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 29 Nov 10)

Really Bad Dumb Guy Ways to Fix the Oil Leak

And because I say so...everyone here gets triple Rat's Asses points.

Soak it up with a few Sham-Wows. (retrometro@rogers.com)

Go back in time and stop the ship from crashing. (a@b.com) Ummmm...you don't watch the news much, do you?

Build a big beer tap... (e-merlin001@hotmail.com)

Two words..."Giant Tampon" (Truckerex@comcast.net; Jdoveraz@aol.com)

Plug it up with cut eggplant. Every time I fry it, it soaks up all my oil. Should work fine. (Steveandmoki@yahoo.com) Yeah...but where are they gonna find a frying pan that big? Think about that for a minute, Mr. Smarty-pants.

Step One: Have your wife bring you a cold beer. (tphyll@aol.com)

Force a little Dutch boy to stick his finger in the hole. (Pootybrew@goosemoose.com)

Well, chewing gum always fixed that leak in my gas tank... (e-merlin001@hotmail.com) Combine this with the duct tape, and you got yourself a plan.

Ya put sugar in the gas tank, then the oil leak ain't nothin. (oldcurmudgeon@humormeonline.com)

"What, you can't cut the power from the breaker?" (strollo5@embarqmail.com)

Try duct tape...it works for everything else. (Airfarcewon@aol.com; DOrr221@comcast.net) Just make sure it's red...government clean-ups always go well with lots and lots of red tape!

Carpet the floor of the Gulf of Mexico with a detailed copy of the National Debt. (seeker@vcoms.net)

If they put a large screen TV there, and we could watch the Super Bowl or something like that, I guess our butts could block the leak. (tphyll@aol.com)

Add vinegar and make the world's largest seaweed salad. (GerriHan65@aol.com)

Drill another hole to let the oil go back in? (multislacker@yahoo.com) Sounds like a plan to me.

Redraw international boundaries so it's in Venezuela, then threaten and invade. (seeker@vcoms.net)

Run a pipe to my idling '78 Pontiac Catalina, shouldn't be too much left over. (multislacker@yahoo.com)

The winners:

An "idea man" at his finest. Hey, you wouldn't be from New York or Jersey by any chance, would ya?

"I thought they fixed that already? What? You want I should break it again?" (konrad.schwoerke@gmail.com)

See, this is a Really Bad Sign That We Need To Update More Often...

"Uh? There's an oil leak?" (sheafitz1@netscape.com)



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