Last time around we asked you to take an existing store - and we pointed out "no restaurants"...and alter/add/subtract ONE word and come up with a whole new store and then tell us about it. (Not sure on the legalities of some stores listed below...but hey...we only specified "no restaurants"...so I gave some leeway.) Well you guys did a remarkable job and picking the winners wasn't easy...therefore we have a few of them. And because I hadn't updated in a while - everyone here gets double Rat's Asses.

Pier 1 Imports - Pier 51 Imports: Imports that are out of this world! (arlenekader@aol.com)

Ann Taylor - Orphan Ann Taylor: All they sell are red dresses with white polka dots. (ponytayl@cox.net)

Home Depot - Gnome Depot: Supplying all of your garden gnome needs. (astae@paonline.com)

United Air Lines - Fly United Air Lines: Reservations made only to members of the Mile High Club. (humorbear@aol.com)

Pottery Barn - Pot Barn: You can't get more "natural" than this. (arlenekader@aol.com)

K Mart - K-Fed Mart: Yo. It's like the hugest yard sale eva! (flynnkj19@aol.com)

Home Depot - Home Despot: The palace repair supply shop for dictators. (galactonerd@yahoo.com)

Best Buy - Best Try: Where even at the register we're going to try and squeeze more cash out of you. (arlenekader@aol.com)

Bed, Bath and Beyond - Bed, Bath and Beyonce: The grand opening drew a record 156,289....men. (ankle_jay@comcast.com)

Toys R Us - Toys R Useless: We specialize only in farm equipment and lead-based paint. Brought to you by your overlords in the Chinese government. (tpanner@hotmail.com)

Target - Off Target: A store that sells the same items as Wal-Mart for twice the price and...Errr never mind guess there is no need to change the name. (Grad2b2002@aol.com)

Abercrombie and Fitch - Abercrombie and Fletch: When you change identities often, you need a lot of clothes. (archerjoe@hotmail.com)

JC Penney - JC Dollars: Let's face it folks, those pennies are old hat, toss 'em in a wishing well. You're gonna' need some green folds when you shop here! (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

Dillards - Dullards: Big savings slowly, carefully explained to 8th grade dropouts. (gerg17@comcast.net)

Blowe's Home Improvement (Lowe's Home Improvement) - Where the store's name pretty much describes the customer service. (arlenekader@aol.com)

Ace Hardware - Lace Hardware: We hire female clerks only, dressed in sexy lingerie and catering to male customers. Remember our slogan: Lace is the place for the needful HARD-ware man! (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

Stop-N-Go - Stop-N-Go Broke: Like the typical corner fast mart, but with faster, slicker up selling salespeople. Did I REALLY buy that? (straightarrow15@hotmail.com)

Rue 21 - Rue McLanahan 21: Younger clothes for the older trendsetter. (ldolphin34@hotmail.com)

T Mobile - ET Mobile: Ya Got it! Sells phones that only let you call home. (maxcel200@aol.com)

The Gap - The Pap: Specializing in designer paper gowns for your yearly smear. (ponytayl@cox.net)

David's Bridal - David's Runaway Bridal: Where each of our dream dresses comes with a pair of running shoes, Greyhound ticket to New Mexico, false kidnapping alibi and public scorn. (arlenekader@aol.com)

The Sharper Image - The Duller Image: We're cutting out the cutting edge, and going for the softer sell. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

Bed, Infinity and Beyond - The buzz is this place has a bulls-eye on the best items for your home. (archerjoe@hotmail.com)

Crabtree and Evelyn - Pubic Crabtree and Evelyn: People are just itching to buy stuff here (ParisIuvsMe@aol.com)

Budget Cuts - Super Budget Cuts: Hairstyles for Congressmen who fear a loss next election. (straightarrow15@hotmail.com)

Circle K and Mary Kay - Circle Mary K: When you've got to have someone show you how to wear new mascara. (straightarrow15@hotmail.com)

Apple Store - Adam's Apple Store: Makes the high price we sell our bytes for a little more difficult to swallow. (maxcel200@aol.com)

EXAMPLE CORRECTION: Original example: Home Depot - Homeless Depot: Doesn't sell anything - but has a lot of aisles you can sleep in. Corrected example: Home Depot - Homeless Depot: Shopping carts galore!! (CoyPsyche@aol.com) Shuddup - you aren't supposed to be funnier than the original examples. :)

Sherwin Williams - Sherwin Ted Williams: Sells very thin paint with no body to it. (maxcel200@aol.com)

Home Depot - Home Repo: You can lose it, we can help. (rod.renner@juno.com)

Verizon Hireless - Verizon Wireless: I've been standing here for a damn hour! Does ANYONE work here? (arlenekader@aol.com)

The runners-up - who win an origami of their choice off the list (that my son will probably never make...so be aware it WILL take a long time)...

Foot Locker - Bigfoot Locker: Actually I've never been able to find one of these stores. I know they exist...I once saw a picture of one. (maxcel200@aol.com)

Target - Target Practice: A mock department store for people who need to stop impulse buying. (straightarrow15@hotmail.com)

Circuit City - Short Circuit City: You'll be shocked when you see the cost of our electronics. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

Spencer's Gifts - Spencer's Grift: A sleezy store that sells gimmicky items that makes you feel taken. (electronicwaffle@Yahoo.com)

The co-winners...who get um whatever the heck it was I was giving away last time (altho we probably only have one of them and they will have to battle it out)...and double the amount of Rat's Asses we usually give away because we've made you wait this long...

Geek Squad - Greek Squad: Because that's pretty much the language you think we're speaking. (arlenekader@aol.com)

Saks Fifth Avenue - Beethoven's Fifth Avenue: The clothes there are so outrageously high that you have to compose yourself before entering. (maxcel200@aol.com)

Questions...Not Answers VII

We've played this game a few times before...in fact, this is our seventh installment...so I'll just cheat and get the instructions and examples from a previous time (feel free to check the archives for better esamples). Here goes:

The Tweak this time is the seventh offering we've done...okay, we like it...a lot. What you are to do is to play our form of "Jeopardy!"...we supply the answers (below)...you come up with a witty, funny, strange, etc., question for it. Do one or do them all...in other words, feel free to send as many as you want. Still confused...or never watched Jeopardy!...then look below the list for my two examples (after the list). Please remember to include the "answer" with your "question".

Bake 'n Shake

Hamburglar Helper

Playing the Donald Trump Card

Three Stripes and You're Out

The Rocky Horror Picture Road

Jessica Rabbit, Not Alba

Mel Gibson Cockail

Mel Gibson Cocktail

Plastic Not Paper

Blonde, James Blonde

David Hasselhoff and On

Tallulah Blankhead

Slur-Pee

Pick Up Styx

Parlay Vous Francais

Michael Not Sarah Palin

The Artist Formerly Known as Prints

You Can Run But You Can't Slide

McCain and Able

Aye-Aye Exam

Heart Bypassing the Middle Man

These Are The Times That Try Men's Soles

Take No Prisoners Of Zelda

Barack Obam...bam...bama

Examples from a previous contest:

It's all on the up and up: What was the rejected slogan for Viagra?

Last Man Standing: What was the rejected slogan for Viagra?